The card wasn't signed but I did recognise the shaky handwriting, it also stank of cabbage and mr sheen, her trademark fragrance. I think she may have mistaken my not horsewhipping her this week as a sign of a affection. What would be a suitable punishment for this wrenched womens over familiarity?
Definitely not supper at the Camelia rooms, what!
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Aren't you a bit old for her?
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You and her should Hook up …maybe it was meant to be ~!
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why do u have a 87 year old housekeeper…shame
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None. Appreciate her thoughtfulness.
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get the feather duster and brush away the cobwebs up her fanny!
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You know what they say… treat em mean, keep em keen.
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Perhaps it's time you looked into importing one of those feisty little Swedish housekeepers…they can do wonderous things with meatballs, I hear.
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Pour her a bath and give her a good scrubbing then spray some air freshener around her and put her to bed.
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Maybe you should take her out on a date – perhaps the 2 of you are made for each other!!! mind you she could be a little bit too young for you!!!
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take her over your kneee and get that duster out xx
happy valentines day hun
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To use the famous words of Larry The Cable Guy, I say…."Git er done…!"
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I once punished someone in my employ by sitting them down and making them identify grape varietals from my wine collection. If they got it wrong, they would receive a lashing.
Thus –
'pinot?'
LASH!
'shiraz?'
LASH!
'Dolcetto'
'Dolcetto??' LASH LASH
It soon puts them in their place.
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Tap that saggy, wrinkled behind!
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A gift wrapped lesson in a handwriting course….Should straighten some of the quirks out of her earthquake type scripts!!!
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A shower. An absolute (cold) shower.
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Definitely not supper at the Camelia rooms, what!
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Blasted staff should be a sevice not an ordeal. The fact that you have to mention the wretch turns my stomache. Where's your whip my lad? Birch her, she'll thank you for it after the third lash.
take the blunderbuss to her kneecaps old boy, what ho!
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sounds like true love to me, don't try and hide it………….
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Are you sure it was meant for you old boy?
I know from past experience how you like to 'snoop' around your servants' quarters after hours, if the Swedish au pair was anything to go by.
I have a suspicion it was for your 92-year old gardener. Thought last time I visited that the two were on more than 'friendly' terms.
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Well if I were you old chap I would take Mrs Humfrey's 19 year old busty Granddaughter Britney into your care as some kind of compensation for the distress and hurt caused by this women's blatant overstepping of the mark (I shudder to think of you actually having to talk to this woman.) You should then take Britney into your study and get her to drop her drawers and bend over your knee and take a barehanded slapping on the buttocks and of course let that wretched Mrs Humfreys watch, just to show her how lucky she is that you decided to meet out this punishment to someone somewhat more sturdy, and you'll be well within your rights old bean.
P.s. If you need someone to come over and take photographs to give out to ones staff as a visual deterrent, I'd be more than happy to oblige
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Remove one of the spark plugs from your Bentley. Strap the wretched woman on the bonnet, start the engine, then marvel at her vibrations.
Chin, chin.
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What a wanton hussy of course you must horsewhip her into shape. One never shows over familiarity to ones servants = get the stable boy out of your bed now and get him to do it.
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